Sifting Through Your Suitors

Advice on Decoding a Guy's Description of Himself
After you've posted a profile, "You've got mail" may sound like a mating call. But beware: "People lie online just as they do in the real world," warns Joe Schwartz, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Online Dating and Relating. Still, there are ways to figure out if he's full of it. Start with his profile (whether you want to initiate contact or he emailed you); compare it to messages he sends you. "Look for inconsistencies between the two," says Schwartz. Also, "many men send out a form letter to dozens of women," says Brenda Ross, relationship adviser at Date.com. "Check to see if he mentions your name anywhere other than the initial greeting or makes any references to your profile."

 Next, tackle the question of looks. Men tend to exaggerate in this department, so nicely request more details. It is not rude to ask if he still looks like the picture he posted or to request another. If he seems sincerely interested -- and sufficiently attractive -- do a gut check for bad vibes. Tasha, 29, noticed that all the time stamps on emails from an online Romeo were after midnight. "That made me suspicious about his personal life," she recalls. She did the right thing -- asking him outright if he was in a relationship -- and found out that he was married. "Although there's no foolproof way to weed out a liar, asking specific questions is your best bet," says Schwartz. "Most people who deceive online are comfortable with leaving out the truth, but many won't blatantly lie."

Refusing to move the interaction from virtual to real is another sign that he may have something to hide. "A guy who doesn't ask you out after a few weeks of emailing isn't honest about his interest in a relationship," says Ellen Fein, coauthor of The Rules for Online Dating. Adds Vanessa, 27: "I thought I had really hit it off with one guy, and after two weeks of daily funny emails, I brought up meeting in person. He stalled, and later, he confessed that he was in a rocky relationship and wanted to see his options. I was like, 'Uh, not me!'"

The Face-to-Face Finale

Crib these guidelines to ensure your safety when you finally meet

1. Gauge his emails
If he wants to set up a date after one exchange or mentions sex, cut him loose without even considering an in-person interaction. (Most sites let you block emails and will step in if a member becomes threatening -- just alert them and save his messages.)

2. Take it to the telephone
If you feel that the exchange is developing comfortably, give him your number. A cell-phone number is best because he can't find your address with it as he could with a landline.

3. Set up a date
Meet in a public place like a coffee shop or bar. "Treat an online acquaintance just as you would treat a stranger," says Mark Hull, director of Yahoo! community services. "You shouldn't give a guy your home address the first time you meet him."

4. Have a safety net
Arrange to meet up with a friend afterward, even if the date is going well. That way, he'll be intrigued and looking forward to your next date -- and you're sure to get home safely.

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