Cosmo's
Online Dating Guide
By Liesa Goins
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1 | 2 | 3 nextSifting Through
Your Suitors
Advice on Decoding a
Guy's Description of Himself
After you've posted a profile, "You've got mail" may sound like a mating
call. But beware: "People lie online just as they do in the real world,"
warns Joe Schwartz, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Online Dating
and Relating. Still, there are ways to figure out if he's full of it.
Start with his profile (whether you want to initiate contact or he emailed
you); compare it to messages he sends you.
"Look for inconsistencies between the two," says Schwartz. Also, "many men
send out a form letter to dozens of women," says Brenda Ross, relationship
adviser at
Date.com.
"Check to see if he mentions your name anywhere other than the initial
greeting or makes any references to your profile."
Next, tackle the question
of looks. Men tend to exaggerate in this department, so nicely request
more details. It is not rude to
 ask if he still looks like the picture he
posted or to request another. If he seems sincerely interested -- and
sufficiently attractive -- do a gut check for bad vibes. Tasha, 29,
noticed that all the time stamps on emails from an online Romeo were after
midnight. "That made me suspicious about his personal life," she recalls.
She did the right thing -- asking him outright if he was in a relationship
-- and found out that he was married. "Although there's no foolproof way
to weed out a liar, asking specific questions is your best bet," says
Schwartz. "Most people who deceive online are comfortable with leaving out
the truth, but many won't blatantly lie."
Refusing to move the
interaction from virtual to real is another sign that he may have
something to hide. "A guy who doesn't ask you out after a few weeks of
emailing isn't honest about his interest in a relationship," says Ellen
Fein, coauthor of The Rules for Online Dating. Adds Vanessa, 27: "I
thought I had really hit it off with one guy, and after two weeks of daily
funny emails, I brought up meeting in person. He stalled, and later, he
confessed that he was in a rocky relationship and wanted to see his
options. I was like, 'Uh, not me!'"
The Face-to-Face Finale
Crib these guidelines to
ensure your safety when you finally meet
1. Gauge his emails
If he wants to set up a date after one exchange or mentions sex, cut him
loose without even considering an in-person interaction. (Most sites let
you block emails and will step in if a member becomes threatening -- just
alert them and save his messages.)
2. Take it to the
telephone
If you feel that the exchange is developing comfortably, give him your
number. A cell-phone number is best because he can't find your address
with it as he could with a landline.
3. Set up a date
Meet in a public place like a coffee shop or bar. "Treat an online
acquaintance just as you would treat a stranger," says Mark Hull, director
of Yahoo! community
services. "You shouldn't give a guy your home address the first time
you meet him."
4. Have a safety net
Arrange to meet up with a friend afterward, even if the date is going
well. That way, he'll be intrigued and looking forward to your next date
-- and you're sure to get home safely.
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